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Daily Tip:
you are mediumorchid
#BA55D3 |
Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be.
Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it.
Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.
| | the spacefem.com html color quiz |
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| leaving |
| 08.19.04 (4:47 pm) [edit] |
Write about a time when you were terrified to do the unthinkable
but you did it!
On February 18th 2001 I left my husband my children. I got in a car with a childhood friend I had not seen in 14 years. I moved 200 miles away to Edinburgh. Wow that makes it sound easy. It was anything but. It had taken me two years to find the courage and strength to pack my case and go.
My first marriage wasn't a bad one. I was not badly treated or abused. We met when I was 17 and married at 19. Things were wonderful for the first 8 years or so but then I slowly realized that I had little in common with my husband - we both wanted vastly different things from life. He wanted one child, I wanted many. He wanted a career woman for a wife, I wanted to be a full time mom and to homeschool my many children. He wanted to sleep all day on weekends and play the computer games all evening, I wanted to go out as a family and do things! He was hopeless with money and would rather buy a new stereo than pay the mortgage.
We had three children and although my husband would help with the practical day to day things like dinner and baths, emotionally he just wasn't interested. I found myself doing more and more on my own with my children - attending school functions and socializing. I felt like a single parent. This man that I had adored for so long had changed - as I'm sure I had too. We had grown up and apart.
At Christmas time 2000 I sent Christmas cards to an old friend from my childhood. He emailed me straight away and we chatted via email daily for about a week and then chatted via telephone. It wasn't long before I was falling in love. We had so much in common and wanted so many of the same things from life that I did. We liked the same music and movies and books. We both had dreams of running a little bookstore somewhere and of moving to North America.
Our relationship didn't go further than that - nothing sexual and nothing too emotional - except that he would listen and would encourage me and when he knew how lonely and upset and depressed I was, he offered me a place to stay - to think things through. My husband told me that I could go but that his condition was that the children had to stay (the children he didn't want - the children he spent no time with).
He was living in Scotland and offered to drive down and pick me up. I agreed. He drove down one Friday but I couldn't do it - how could I leave? I was a mother of three children - I couldn't leave. Two days later after many regrets, talking things over with my astrologer tutor and other friends, Lloyd drove back down and collected me.
I think my ex was stunned. I think he used the children thinking that I would never leave them. But I was sinking into a dark abyss. I was desperately unhappy and two years of Prozac had not helped. I didn't want to spend my life that unhappy. I didn't want my children mothered by a depressive too weak to do anything about it.
And so I left my husband and children. I called the children the following Friday and told them that I wasn't coming home. That I couldn't. I then drank myself into oblivion with a bottle of vodka I found in the freezer.
Things didn't happen instantly with Lloyd - my new husband and my best friend, and childhood friend. Things went slowly - we both needed to work things out and I was in no state to do anything crazy - but slowly after a few weeks of sharing an apartment I think we realized that we just fit together.
Two months later my children came to stay for the Easter holidays. My Daughter stayed with me after the holidays and my sons went back to finish the year at their school. They spent the summer with my parents while Lloyd had a house built for us, and then we all moved in together in the September. We have been one very happy family ever since. Lloyd and I have a daughter between us and are expecting our 5th child - I say 5th because to us all the children are ours - he thinks of them all as his. He is a wonderful daddy who really takes an interest in them all.
And their real Father? He chooses to have no contact with them. It doesn't surprise me. Although it saddens me deeply.
Its strange - I could never see myself growing old with my ex but I see it so clearly - as clear as day with Lloyd.
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posted by: SuddenlyMe (reply)
post date: 08.19.04 (5:09 pm)
you are a gifted writer.
posted by: Janemma (reply)
post date: 08.19.04 (5:31 pm)
Reply to: SuddenlyMe
Thank you - I'm learning!!! Trying to improve my skills through these prompts!
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